The Twelve Days of Christmas (Turkey Version)

On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me: -
“I’ve bought a big fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree”

On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard,
As we tucked into our turkey – a most delicious bird

On the third day of Christmas came the people from next door,
The turkey tasted just as good as it had done the day before

On the fourth day of Christmas came relations young and old,
We finished off the Christmas pud and had the turkey cold

On the fifth day of Christmas, outside the snowflakes scurried,
But we were nice and warm inside, we had the turkey curried

On the sixth day of Christmas the Christmas spirit died,
The children fought and bickered – we had turkey rissoles fried

On the seventh day of Christmas – my true love she did wince,
When she sat down at the table and was offered turkey mince

On the eighth day of Christmas the dog had run for shelter
He’d seen our Christmas pancakes and the glass of Alka Seltzer

On the ninth day of Christmas, by lunchtime Dad was blotto,
He knew that bird was back again, this time as a risotto

On the tenth day of Christmas we were drinking home-made brew,
As if that wasn’t bad enough, we were eating turkey stew

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Christmas tree was molting,
With chilli, soy and oyster sauces, the turkey was still revolting

On the twelfth day of Christmas, we had smiles upon our lips,
Guests had gone, the turkey too. So we dined on fish and chips